i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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