My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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