Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
