well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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