K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
