I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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