There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
