Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
