don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize