i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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