If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
