Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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