this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
