just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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