Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize