oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize