I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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