the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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