there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
