this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
