Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just invented taco cereal.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There are leaves in my underwear?
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