my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
