I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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