You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
