how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize