hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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