My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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