shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
