You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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