We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
