This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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