I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My penis needs a shock collar
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
