i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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