it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
