I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
