We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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