dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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