You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
