drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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