I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
