just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
