I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
