I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
