I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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