Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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