Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ugly people sure do ruin things
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
