dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize