i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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