you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
