You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
