Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
