What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
