He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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