i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
