I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
