I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
