You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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