I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize