M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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