I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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