I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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