3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
