Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
