I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
