they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this hospital has no fireball
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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