This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
