I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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