guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
whose parrot is this?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he just fucked me for my cheese..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
