i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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