Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
