This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize