I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
