walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
